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| “More and more people are living under the same roof who are spiritually divorced.” When Mary Pender Greene talks about relationships, her message is simple: “A relationship cannot survive in any healthy fashion without work. It’s like having a healthy body. It’s like a muscle. It gets stronger if you exercise it.” Ms. Pender Greene should know. She is a leading psychotherapist and relationship expert and has been practicing for 32 years. Her many workshops, articles and media appearances have reinforced her message that couples need “emotional education.” This past fall, Ms. Pender Greene brought her expertise to The Concord Baptist Church of Christ. In November she began a four-part relationship series called “Making Love Last.” The series, for married and committed partners, focuses on helping couples develop deeper relationships, build trust, evaluate their commitment, revive passion and hope, and learn to grow from conflict to connection. At the first workshop, which was held on November 11, 2006, the couples were given an orientation to Ms. Pender Greene’s relationship building strategies. Taking copious notes, men and women learned the “10 Basic Rights” that each person is entitled to in every relationship, among them: The Right to Be Loved, The Right to Grow, The Right to Be Trusted and The Right to Privacy. Another popular strategy was “The 7 Second Rule.” The rule states that a couple must kiss each other for 7 whole seconds when they see each other after having been apart. “If you think 7 seconds isn’t a lot of time, let’s count it out.” Ms. Pender Greene had her husband, a deacon at Concord, count off a 7 second silence. “Seven seconds is longer than you thought, right?” Try it and see! The workshop was attended by a diverse range of couples full of questions and comments: “How do you deal with a man who repeats the same inconsiderate behavior over and over?” “Don’t women start more arguments than men?” Why do men and women have so much difficulty connecting? According to Ms. Pender Greene, men and women just see relationships differently. The next three workshops are designed to help men and women work through some of those differences and find some common ground. The Saturday, February 3rd, workshop will be for men only. This part of the Making Love Last workshop will provide a space for men to be able to say what they don’t understand and allow them, in their own space, to “complain and talk freely.” Ms. Pender Greene says: “Men experience legitimate confusion. If they understood what they needed to do, men would do it.”The men’s workshop provided pointers on commitment and the date of the workshop, intentionally scheduled close to Valentine’s Day, helped the men plan a special day for their partner. The women met a month later. Ms. Pender Greene says that the focus of the women’s workshop helped women understand that “it’s important not to sell your soul. Needy is a turn off. Needy means doing whatever they [men] want, playing dumb, wanting to see him every day. Men like to feel that women have other things to do besides be with them.” Ms. Pender Greene focused the last session on making sure the couples understood the need for each person to understand themselves as individuals. Special Guests presenters included couples from Marriage Encounter™ -- a worldwide organization that “offers weekend experiences designed to give married couples the opportunity to learn a technique of loving communication that they can use for the rest of their lives.” “There is no such thing as one unhappy person in a relationship. If one person is unhappy, they’re both unhappy. To get what you need, you need to know what you need, and know how to get that information across to your mate.” The series is designed to help couples begin the process of “emotional education” which, for many couples, may be continued in therapy. “No one would ever say they have enough education,” Ms. Pender Greene says, “Education changes your worldview and broadens perspectives. Marriage doesn’t come with a book. When you get married, you are pulling only from what you already know. If you only ever knew unhealthy relationships, you have to learn different skills.” These workshops are offered to church and community members free of charge. If you want to know more about how to exercise your relationship muscles, be sure to email or contact us! Join our mailing list and learn more about upcoming supportive workshops designed to strengthen and deepen the love in your family! Please contact the church office at 718.622.1818 and ask to be added to our mailing list. Or send us an email at info.concordcares.org |
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